The courage to be unpopular.

With school starting and all the anxiety it brings on me, I began to really question why the anxiety is on me.  After all, I have already been there and done that!  Still, to this day walking into a high school football game, or taking my kids to school, floods me with all the anxieties I once had. Do I have the right outfit on?  Are they talking about me as I walk by?  Does he like me?  All of it.  The crazy part of it all…..I really am a confident person not easily affected by what one thinks of me.  I AM easily affected by what someone thinks of my children. 

When I really started to analyze why I felt the way I did I pointed it directly to my daughters.  My girls are all so different and I love that about them.  Of course, they have similarities as well, but I have my work cut out for me keeping up with the different personalities.  As a momma I want life to be easy for my girls.  We all know LIFE IS HARD……..so why am I expecting it to be easy for them?  I’m not.  I’m WISHING it was easy for them.  I want to do anything I can to make it as easy as possible for them.  Sure, I will be the first to watch them learn hard lessons in life, but if I can help them from having to deal with the mean girls, or not having the right clothes, or hair, or friends, or ……..the list goes on, I’m going to.  Don’t most parents? 

Over the years I find myself asking the girls questions about their day.  Most often it would be…..Who did you sit with at lunch?  Who did you play with at recess?  Who are your friends?  Did anyone like your new shirt?  Did you play with any boys? 

What is wrong with each one of these questions? 

All questions to see just how well liked or popular they may be.  I’ll admit it.  I wanted my girls to be popular. My questions and way of thinking was showing my girls what? That the way to decide if you are good enough is based on the clothes you wear, the amount of friends you have, and if the boys were chasing you?!?!?!?  What is wrong with me?   I’m by no means a veteran to motherhood, but feel like I am knee deep in it at this point and am learning hard lessons every day.  This hard lesson was taught to me by my nephew, and my daughter.  I was constantly pushing one of my girls to venture out……have a lot of friends….try new things…….(you see she is sort of an introvert)……BE COURAGEOUS!  Everyday she would come home and I’d ask her my usual questions.  Over the years she began to shy away from my questions……as if she was being pushed into a life she didn’t want.  I just couldn’t figure her out.  Why wouldn’t she want to be in the middle of everything? Why can’t she be courageous?  I loved being in the middle of everything as a kid.  And then one day my Mom told me something great and I decided to listen.  She said to me “DOMINI! Your daughter was really comfortable with who she is, and you should be happy for that.”  Funny thing is…..I had been telling my sister the same thing about her son.  It is so wonderful that he can be completely comfortable with who he is.  He has enough courage to stand against the norm and do his own thing.  How amazing is that? That is all I ever wanted in school……and that’s all I ever wanted for my kids.  To be comfortable and confident in their own skin.  Yet, I was teaching them something completely different and not even knowing it. Thank God for this lesson that I learned at the age of 32…….and thank God my daughter already knew it in grade school.  Parents……teach your kids to be comfortable with just who they are.  That shows more courage in someone than fitting in.  Being amazing is not measured in the amount of close friends you have, or the type of clothes you wear or the grades you get.  It is measured by being you…….and comfortable with that.  So that is why I am now teaching my girls to be just who they are…..even if it is unpopular.